The things that I think that I want for my birthday include: The New York Times Cookbook a Freestyle 160g frisbee an umbrella pyjamas a Spyderco knife a soft gun case for my .22 a CD carrier
Author Archives: Waldo Jaquith
Gonna burn me a flag.
The House passed an amendment to the Constitution today that bans the descecration of flags. It reads: The Congress shall have power to prohibit the physical desecration of the flag of the United States. Of course, it doesn’t mean anything unless the Senate and state legislatures approves it, and it seems quite unlikely that this …
The lamest spam ever.
From: LendWare Info <info@lendware.com> Date: 07/13/01 2:16 PM Subject: Thanks for Applying for a Loan OnLine Dear Waldo Merideth, Replace with Lender Name Here is pleased to inform you that your online loan application has been received and we will be contacting you in the near future. Thank you for choosing Replace with Lender Name …
Ceramic-mouth.
I got my braces on yesterday. Just on my lower teeth, and they don’t extend all the way to my molars. Going to the orthodontist was weird — the place was full of middle and high school students, all of whom appeared to regard me as old and out-of-place. The process was no big deal …
Rufus Wainwright.
Rufus Wainwright is absurdly talented. You should really listen to some of his music. Might I recommend “Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk?”
Inexpensive Chamber maid.
To: chamber@cvillechamber.org Date: 07/12/01, 5:04pm Subject: Opt-In Living Wage Mr. Hulbert, Like many people in Charlottesville, I have followed the recent living wage discussions with great interest. Our country has long walked the line between capitalist desires and socialist concerns, with outcomes largely depending on the political winds of the times. It’s hard to say …
I hate 24/7 Media. Now they hate me.
From: Waldo Jaquith <waldo@nancies.org> To: xxxxx@247media.com Date: 07/12/01 7:28 PM Subject: Re: Low Click Rate Kristen, On 7/11/01 10:55am, “Kristen” <xxxxx@247Media.com> wrote: > You are receiving this e-mail because we’ve noticed that you’re site has a > consistently low click rate. Last month your click rate was below .25%. > > Poor click rates keep …
$75 for a hit and run.
I went to the courthouse today and managed to get them to tell me what the fine was for the drunken jerk who hit me with his car. He was found guilty and fined on May 17th, but the court wouldn’t tell me what the fine was. Anyhow, I know now: $75. That’s it. A …
You’re already approved.
I’ve owned a business for nearly two and a half years. I’ve had two apartments over the past three years. I pay my phone bill, my health insurance bill, my cable bill, and so on. Since I turned 18, I’ve gotten credit card applications in the mail at least once or twice a week. A …
Your homework.
Read the U.S. Declaration of Independence. It is (arguably) the most important document in American history, if not the history of democracy, and you ought to be a little more familiar with it. While you’re at it, read up on John Hanson, the first president of the United States. (Ever wonder how we became a …