I’ve decided to have a caption contest, in the style of Commonwealth Conservative’s caption contests. The photograph is the main image on the front page of the Martinsville-Henry County Chamber of Commerce website, from a May 1 Martinsville Bulletin story.
Now, Martinsville’s slogan may be “A city without limits,” but there is this one very important limit that they didn’t mention: You may not tell any jokes about Martinsville. It is a very, very serious place. And there is nothing funny about two kids in protective headgear wearing giant body-hugging inflatable tubes banging their bellies together together while a fat lady watches. If you think that this is funny, Del. Ward Armstrong, Del. Danny Marshall, and Sen. Roscoe Reynolds will get angry with you, and they may even call on your boss to fire you.
So, bring on the captions. And they’d damned well better not be funny.
Oh sure, now you’re attacking someone’s grandmother. Have you no shame Waldo?
J.C., I didn’t know you were from Martinsville. ;)
“My doughnut butt is bigger than yours!”
When Scrubbing Bubbles go bad.
1) — Proof that Martinsville hasn’t gone belly-up just yet.
2) — More bellies in Martinsville than just pork!
3) — Martinsville: Even the menus are without limits!
4) — Traditional Japanese sport meets traditional Martinsville modesty.
5) — Grandmother-organized boxing match ends in draw.
“I’m today calling for the resignation of Waldo Jaquith from the Office of…well, he should resign from something…” – Ward Armstrong, about three days from now.
Hilarious.
My goodness—I think Martinsville officials are going to be very upset about this.
So, what the hell, I may as well jump in:
1) Del. Ward Armstrong and Will Vehrs settle their differences.
2) Martinsville officials are under investigation for entrapment after having the Bulletin publish this photo to tempt Will Vehrs.
3) The House of Delegates session is not going well.
“The Martinsville schools curriculum coordinator for sex ed looks on as students demonstrate the latest advances in abstinence-only technology.”
I think we have a winner! I figured I’d read the competition before entering, but I think Jon is going to win in a landslide, so I’m abstaining from entering.
Jon’s is pretty awesome. :)
The drunk goggles worked to lower drunk driving rates, so the school board decided to see if the rubber doughnuts help reduce childhood obesity.
Teachers admitted their frustration with the budget standoff did influence their choice of hands-on activities for social studies SOL 2.5: “The student will understand how Virginia’s bicameral legislature works.”
That is eerily reminiscent of a pair of domo-kun mouths.
In fact, the greatest realignment in modern politics would take place rather quickly if the right national leader found a way to bring the Scots-Irish and African Americans to the same table
Well… the same inflatable-tube-bouncing-contest is a damn good start!
…the mother of the rubber-siamese tomato children is resting comfortably at a Martinsville hospital with mild fertilizer burns.
Martinsville’s first attempt at fulfilling Jim Webb’s dream of African-American and Scots-Irish unity goes awry…
“Doctor, is it OK to have one dark ball and one light ball?”
Speaker Howell and Senator Stosch agree to settle the budget dispute in a traditional game of Inner Tube Boxing. (Insert UNFUNNY name of woman here) referees.
#17 is great!!
“Competition for the Miss Junior Martinsville went horribly awry during the talent segment, when two entrants tried to perform Interpretive Balloon Ballet at the same time.”
SEE, it’s not funny!
At the risk of REALLY not being funny…
What you are seeing is justification for a grant of $4,560,783 from the Harvest Foundation (group formed to spend the proceeds of the sale of our local hospital to Lifepoint) in order to “launch an initiative to improve access to health care for the uninsured and to provide health education and wellness programs for the Martinsville region.” (link for info: http://www.theharvestfoundation.org/grants.cfm?yr=2005&pg=116)
At 4.5 mil and an estimate 30 participants each year (this being the second annual) and a budget expected to last 5 years – my math says they’re bumping around in $30,000 dollar clown suits.
Don’t anyone accuse us in Southside of not going firstclass!
My caption contest entry…
“School children are educated in a wide variety of popular latino cultural games in preparation for the annexation of the United States by Mexico.”
Martinsville has a wide variety of activities for people of all ages.
Martinsville offers a safe, secure environment for children, with ample adult supervision and the latest in protective gear.
After repeated bumps and bruises in a mad dash to be first at the microphone to grandstand at press conferences, Delegate Armstrong and Senator Reynolds examine a demonstration of the latest “Vehrs Bashing Press Conference Safety Gear.” Not only does it prevent injuries, but Delegate Armstrong comments that it may be the industry which transforms the region’s economy.
Notoriously thin-skinned Martinsville residents train the next generation in conflict mediation, Southside-style.
FULL CONTACT POKEMON!!!!!!