I got subpoenaed.

I got subpoenaed. An area fabulist got nailed by the local weekly for trading on an invented story of his life. I wrote about it on my blog about Charlottesville, siding with the weekly, since the guy’s clearly been living a lie. Presumably as a form of intimidation, the guy’s subpoenaed me, and the subpoena is incredibly overbroad. In fact, under the terms of the subpoena, I have to turn over this blog entry, along with any comments that people post to it, possibly with identifying information for everybody who comments. A bad subpoena: it’s the gift that never stops giving.

Unfortunately, “hiring a lawyer to quash a subpoena” doesn’t appear in our household budget, so this is my crash course in the procedural end of law. It’s actually been fun, big dork that I am.

Published by Waldo Jaquith

Waldo Jaquith (JAKE-with) is an open government technologist who lives near Char­lottes­­ville, VA, USA. more »

30 replies on “I got subpoenaed.”

  1. Well, if you were to google the phrase motion to quash subpoena (without quotations or any other connectors), you could click on the first link and. . .oh wait. It seems Waldo has been here before.

    Seriously, I should hope that one of real attorneys (read: practicing) that read this would be able to provide some guidance/help. If that doesn’t happen, email me.

  2. Well, if you were to google the phrase motion to quash subpoena (without quotations or any other connectors), you could click on the first link and. . .oh wait. It seems Waldo has been here before.

    That is awesome. I had no idea. :)

  3. Hah, join the club buddy! If you need to file any motions I have a template that you can plug and play into…

  4. Well, it’s kinda reassuring it’s not something more serious… But still, quite a nuisance. Hopefully the years spent dealing with loonies at Chaps and around downtown will serve you well in this…

  5. Tommy Garrett, you pathetic coward. Did it not occur to you that Waldo will now be obliged by this subpoena to demonstrate that it was in fact you who was posting comment on here and pretending to be a 3rd party defending yourself?

    Since you are asking that all names and IP addresses be looked into, that is exactly what is going to happen. And you will look like a complete idiot. Again.

  6. On the off chance you do have to turn over this post an all comments contained therein, I’m going to start coming up with some incredibly non-sequitir and uncomfortable comments for Tommy’s lawyers to wade through.

    First topic on the docket (slight pun intended): “On Technical Virginity and the Importance of Premarital Anal Sex in Preserving the Judeo-Christian Nuclear Family.”

    Hope you enjoy paying your attorneys’ billable hours for this one, Tommy.

  7. Well, since this blog is now For The Record, here’s a couple of measures of “Tater Patch,” clawhammer-style. (Tune to G or A.)

    — 0 0
    — | |
    — | | 2 0 0 0 2 0 0
    — | | | | 3 | | | | |
    — | | 0 | | | | | | | | 0
    | |__| (–) | | (–) | |__|
    PO H

  8. Oh, dear. That didn’t come out AT ALL as I had intended.

    (Heh. Good metaphor for banjo-playing in general, I s’pose!)

  9. When I want to impress a guest, I like to demonstrate my flair for the creative through cooking. This can be an especially important social interaction with elligible young women if, like me, you are an elligible young bachelor. Much like it’s important for the plaintiff in a libel case to demonstrate that he was identified, that information published about him was defamatory, that the information published was false, and that publication was the responsibility of the defendant, it is also important for a young man to show that he has a quiet domestic side independent of his professional life. And while Tommy Garrett is pretty much screwed viz. his ability to meet that burden of proof, nothing says “this man is good husband material” better than my braised pork tenderloin in a cherry burgundy sauce.

    Taking one length of pork tenderloin, cut across it to make several round pork medallions roughly one inch thick. Salt and pepper the raw meat before pan searing it over high heat for about a minute on each side in vegetable oil and butter. The goal is to quickly sear the top and the bottom of the meat while leaving the inside raw. Remove the meat and keep it under a warming tent of tinfoil.

    To the oil and butter add sliced mushrooms and chopped shallots. Simmer on low heat, stirring occassionally until the shallots are transluscent and the mushrooms browned. To mushrooms and shallots add 1 cup burgundy wine (subs. pinot noir if desired) and 1/3rd cup dried tart cherries. Continue to warm on low heat–the wine should reduce to about half its original volume, but it shouldn’t be allowed to boil. Allow cherries to infuse the wine.

    Reintroduce the pork medallions and continue to simmer on low heat while the pork finishes cooking through. While this can take as little as ten minutes or so, err on the side of giving the pork as much time as possible so that the wine can break down the proteins in the tenderloin. This will further soften the meat and allow the flavor to permeate. Before serving, add whole cream to thicken the remaining wine sauce. Plate. Serve with a grain like couscous or wild rice and a green vegetable like steamed green beans or asparagus.

    While Tommy Garrett my require a painfully amateurish website to promote himself as…whatever he’s trying to promote himself as, demonstrating cullinary excellence is as easy as braising a little pork and letting red cherries and wine do the work for you!

    (Hopefully that took someone 15 minutes to read about $250/hour)

  10. With all the friends you have and the folks you know, They should be standing in line to help you. What ever happened to all of us having free speech

  11. Excellent, Sam. May I suggest posting in foreign languages. Preferably, languages that might require the services of a somewhat expensive translator. Omidvaram keh dooleh Tommy Garrett nayofteh.

    Ok guys, your turns.

    Come on, Waldo. Can’t you install some more language scripts?

  12. tommy không phải là giá trị các điểm ảnh này sẽ hiển thị. Waldo là một người tốt hơn và Tommy biết nó

  13. 湯米是不值得的像素這需要顯示。

  14. Gbzzl Tneergg naq uvf ynjlref ner vaqrrq jnfgvat
    gurve gvzr vs gurl ner gelvat gb svther bhg jung
    gurfr ovgf bs sbervta ynathntrf naq jrnxyl
    rapbqrq ebg13 pvcuref ner fnlvat nobhg gurz.
    Qvq V zragvba gung guvf pvcure jnf cebqhprq ol
    fbsgjner gung jnf bevtvanyyl perngrq ol n cevingr
    ynobengbel jubfr cebqhpgf jrer hfrq sbe checbfrf
    bs vagryyvtrapr tngurevat? Naq gung qrpvcurevat vg
    znl, whfg znl, ivbyngrq nyy fbegf bs angvbany
    frphevgl cebivfvbaf? Cyhf znxr unve tebj ba lbhe
    cnyzf? Bbcf–gbb yngr gb ghea onpx abj, ybfref!

  15. Sam, I admire your tenacity in frustrating Mr. Garrett’s attorney. However, it is highly unlikely that the plaintiff in this suit will pay anything more than the filing fees. His attorney almost certainly took the case on a contingency basis. And the attorney who took this case is either desperate for work, or hoping for a nice settlement. There’s no way he wants to take this in front of a jury.

    Good luck, Waldo. It will be a PITA in large part, but I’m guessing you’ll have a lot of fun, and at the very least have some great blogging material.

  16. You do realize, Waldo, that if successful, the subpoena would require you to send them all comments you’ve received on these posts, including spam. And it would be best to send it ordered by timestamp, with no distinction between displayed comments and those marked as spam. (Who knows, maybe there are some false positives, and you wouldn’t want to be accused of hiding anything.)

    That would be amusing to watch them sort through.

Comments are closed.