Lest there be any question that Jerry Kilgore is a big ol’ mama’s boy, we may now put that to rest.
Mike Shear writes in today’s Washington Post that Kilgore may well wimp out on the third and final debate with Tim Kaine. And on NBC 29 here in Charlottesville this evening, would-be moderator Larry Sabato says that he figures there’s only a 50/50 chance that Kilgore will show up. Why?
There have been two debates so far. The first was held in West Virginia. Seriously. There was no broadcast permitted, but I had fun with the audio [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6], which made Tim Kaine laugh and made Jerry Kilgore shed a single tear, not unlike an Indian when faced with pollution while canoeing. The second was held in Northern Virginia, moderated by Tim Russert, and broadcast on a TV station so reclusive that a) I’ve never heard of it and b) I’m yet to get ahold of either a transcript, the audio, or the video, or hear of any of these things existing anywhere. But I judge from media accounts that…what’s the phrase I’m looking for? Oh, yes: Tim Kaine clubbed Jerry Kilgore like a baby seal, leaving moderator Tim Russert to peel off Kilgore’s pelt with a sharpened stone and remove his iron-rich liver, eating it for its life-giving forces.
Apparently, moderator Larry Sabato has set some standards that are just too severe for Jerry Kilgore. For example, Sabato will not let the debate be held in a sealed cavern hidden far below the earth. Nor will he let Kilgore use a nifty earpiece/bulge combo like President Bush. Nor will Sabato force Kaine to wear a ball gag, a leash, and a black, studded latex suit for the duration. Worst of all, Sabato is requiring Kilgore to abide by the terms of the debate agreement, which in no way restricts the Kaine campaign from using any of the footage from the debate in TV commercials. That bastard! (I can’t imagine what made the Kilgore campaign so skittish about the reuse of footage from events. What? Moi? Oh, but you do go on!)
To be fair, Kilgore debates like he throws. The most damaging thing for the Kilgore campaign would be for a majority of the voting public to witness him utter a single word. The Kilgore campaign is so cognizant of this that their current TV ad features his twin brother Terry Kilgore speaking in his stead, since he lacks that certain…oh…quelle heure est-il that Jerry has.
As potentially-mortally wounding that yet another debate duck would do for Kilgore, it wouldn’t be nearly as damaging as if he actually showed up. Kaine would take Kilgore over his knee again, only this time with people watching. The only mystery left is whether the Kilgore campaign will be foolish enough to attack Larry Sabato, as they did Tim Russert, and claim that he’s part of the Vast Left Wing Conspiracy that’s so determined to defeat Kilgore.
Of course, the strongest force working against Jerry Kilgore isn’t really the left. It’s Jerry Kilgore.