Me, immediately after Virginia Tech graduation ceremonies, May 14, 2005.
The speaker was unknown, clichéd, and terrible. The presenter, upon calling my name, told the surely-baffled assembly that I was “destined for stardom.” Surprised at the editorializing, I tried to walk down the wrong aisle. Upon receiving my diploma envelope, knowing that my diploma would be arriving later in the mail, I returned to my seat and pointedly tore the envelope in half, telling my shocked fellow graduates that “it’s only a piece of paper.” It rained. Everybody ate cookies. We had dinner at Fellini’s. Everybody lived happily ever after.