Graduation Photo
Me, immediately after Virginia Tech graduation ceremonies, May 14, 2005.

The speaker was unknown, clichéd, and terrible. The presenter, upon calling my name, told the surely-baffled assembly that I was “destined for stardom.” Surprised at the editorializing, I tried to walk down the wrong aisle. Upon receiving my diploma envelope, knowing that my diploma would be arriving later in the mail, I returned to my seat and pointedly tore the envelope in half, telling my shocked fellow graduates that “it’s only a piece of paper.” It rained. Everybody ate cookies. We had dinner at Fellini’s. Everybody lived happily ever after.

The End

Published by Waldo Jaquith

Waldo Jaquith (JAKE-with) is an open government technologist who lives near Char­lottes­­ville, VA, USA. more »

10 replies on “Gradumacation.”

  1. If you want a REAL commencement address… go to the PC Dems blog (click on my name). Our commencement speaker’s address (a guy you may have heard of) is posted. It’s the top post. Now, imagine inside jokes about bad pizza, all-day parties, Johnny Damon and the world’s most lovable corrupt mayor, and you’re as good as there!

  2. Damn. Why didn’t I my envelope up. that would have been brilliant.

    And yeah. UVa. Meh. at least the architecture school. Creating designers who don’t have a clue (e.g. firestation with sleepign quarters 200 yards from the actual trucks.)

  3. Congratulations again! Tore up the envelope, did ya? Bet you enjoyed the looks on the faces of your fellow students. Lol!

  4. congratulations!

    I graduated CalArts 2 weeks ago, and the ceremony was unbearable and dull and LONG, with remarkably little content. I spent most of the evening drinking, and the Film school graduated last. I ran onstage and took Polaroids of the faculty members as they each shook my hand, and then recieved a cheap leather binder with a poorly-taken digital class-photo that I’m not in, AND, inexplicably, also a bag of potato chips. i gave the chips away and threw out the crappy photo.

    so, if anyone wants to see, I’ve got some polaroids of what it looks like to graduate from art school, in first-person-perspective. as a bonus, one of them is actually a fairly remarkable portrait of the faculty member in question.

Comments are closed.