My license plate proposal.

With all of the problems that we have here in the commonwealth, it’s pathetic that the House and the Senate wasted Monday’s session on the matter of customized license plates. These branded plates are stupid — it’s a free expression lawsuit against the state just waiting to happen, and extremist Republicans keep introducing bills for divisive political plates.

From today’s Richmond Times-Dispatch

With only a week left to act on all legislation introduced by their respective members, the House and Senate yesterday argued over matters ranging from “traditional marriage” license plates to state budget procedures.

The House of Delegates squabbled before tentatively endorsing the special state plates that would include the capital-letter words “TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE,” as well as a symbol, two interlocked golden wedding bands over a red heart.

Del. L. Scott Lingamfelter, R-Prince William, who sponsored the legislation, said it would merely embrace 4,000 years of history on marriage and show children that “traditional marriage is fundamental.”

There were attempts to amend the bill so that the plates would say, simply, “Marriage,” but that failed, unsurprisingly. It’s simple viewpoint discrimination.

What Lingamfelter and company are going for here is clear, particularly in light of some Republicans’ opposition to most forms of sex. So, in the spirit of just cutting to the chase, here’s my proposed plate:

Sex Plate

I hope that Del. Lingamfelter will introduce a bill in the 2006 session to protect this precious freedom. After all, gays have eroded the right to marriage so much that it’s just about ruined for us straights. Every time they get married, they use up a little bit of our collective ability to get married. When they go having that gay sex, they’re using up sex, too! Somebody stop them!

11:22pm Update: I suggest to the thousands of people reading this blog entry that they visit the website of my PAC, Virginia Family Values. The bad news is that these loopy anti-sex legislators do stupid things in Virginia. The good news is that Virginia Family Values PAC is stopping them. Tossing a few bucks towards the PAC will get these guys out of office, and, as you can see, we’ll all have fun in the process.

30 thoughts on “My license plate proposal.”

  1. Oh, I would LOVE to see those “Traditional Marriage” license plates approved, entwined wedding rings and all. Then, I would love to see that gays in committed relationships were snapping up those license plates. The combination of those plates and a sprinkling of gay-themed bumperstickers on the same cars would give me cause to smile while driving around Virginia’s highways and byways. Traditional marriage is what everyone wants, both gay and straight, after all.

  2. I have to agree with Janice’s proposal above. A little bit of targeted irony might do some good. That and someone should introduce a “Gay Marriage” plate. Turn about is fair play right?

    Do special plates in VA benefit outside organizations? I know in some states a College or non-profit gets the additional $$ from the custom plates. Is someone getting a nickel or two from these?

  3. Does anyone notice the enormous cosmic irony in the name of the
    Virginia delegate — “Lingamfelter.” Webster’s Ninth: “lingam: a stylized phallic symbol of the masculine cosmic principle and of the Hindu god Siva.
    compare Yoni.” Hoo-hahahaha! “Felter” speaks for itself. If the Virginia legislature would get their minds off this guy feltering his lingam, they might be able to get some important Yoni work done for the rest of the State.

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  5. I navigated from Wonkette just like Kari. My .02: a) anyone can get these plates as was metnioned, and b) I’ve heard/read a lot of people think marriage isn’t for them, as in antiquated, as in (more subtly) that’s your club, it’s not mine. Ya know? Let the sarcasm spew forth if you must, but seriously why get worked up about it.

  6. Ed, you’d do well to read up on Virginia’s sex laws. :) Until three weeks ago, sex between unmarried partners was illegal. (Meaning that marriage has to be “for them,” if they want to have sex.) Oral and anal sex? Illegal. Living in the same house as somebody of the opposite sex to whom you’re not related (“cohabitation”)? Illegal.

    This license plate is nothing more than a little badge of success for a handful of legislators who are simply opposed to sex, the same legislators who are pushing this license plate bill. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m in favor of sex, and poll after poll has shown that Virginians really seem to enjoy it. Will a plate make a difference? Nah. So we may as well use it as a chance to have some fun at the expense of these sexless yahoos.

  7. … tell me again… just who was it that said Virgina was for lovers, anyway? I think it’d be fun to make some new-and-improved tourism board leaflets about just how big Virgina really is on lovers. I mean, i’d sure want to be aware if unmarried sex is illegal in the state i’m visiting.

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  9. Cosidering how our lawmakers roll over for the lobbyists, I would be surprised if they had any fear of taking it in the butt.

  10. Hmm. I believe that if you can get a certain number of people to preorder, you can get your own license plate design.
    So, as a “proud” Virginian, I want to be among the first to plunk down $35 for this plate. After all, you can’t have family values without vaginal intercourse first!

  11. This reminds me of an old Jewish joke. Jewish lady takes her kid to the local lake. Big sign says “No Swimming Allowed!” Lady lets her kid go swimming in the lake.

    Park Ranger comes up to her and says, ‘Geez, Lady, can’t you read the sign? It says, ‘NO SWIMMING ALLOWED!”

    She looks at him and says, “No, that’s not what it says. It says, “No, Swimming ALLOWED!”

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  14. Only in America!

    Someone once said that governments would tax you for the air you breathe if they could.

    Of course these same Republicans want you to ascribe to traditional marriage without ANY education on the matter.

    And how traditional are we talking here? Does this mean that in Virginia, I can club a woman and drag her home by her hair, and she’s mine? I live in Maryland, will Annapolis recognize my union by way of reciprocation?

  15. two interlocked golden wedding bands over a red heart

    God, I hope my boyfriend’s wife gets one of those. I’ll laugh my ass off.

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