It’s the party of ridiculous rhetoric.

I don’t know what’s worse about Virginia Republican Party Chair Kate Obenshain Griffin’s “Two opposing views of America” column — that she might believe the things that she writes, or that she knows full well that she’s lying.

President Bush believes that when American lives are at stake, we must act immediately.

John Kerry recently said we ought to wait until we are attacked to take action.

No he didn’t. That’s a complete lie.

John Kerry thinks that it is acceptable to denigrate and mock one’s allies, even calling one a “puppet” and “window dressing.”

You forgot Poland!

President Bush believes that our men and women are fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan for our very way of life, and to turn away, even when it seems unbearable, would only embolden our enemies.

Every time somebody votes for Kerry, God kills a kitten?

Something amazing is happening in America today. Men and women, people from different racial and ethnic backgrounds, some people who have never been involved in politics before, are rallying around our president.

Um. What? No. That’s not true. If this were a year ago, and she were talking about, say, the Dean campaign, I’d buy it. But about Bush? Nonsense.

NASCAR Dads and Security Moms – they hear the stories that give us a glimpse of the real man.

Mmm. And how about 18-24 year-old males earning between $18,000-$24,999 a year — do they hear the stories? Or is there some kind of a special listening device affixed to “NASCAR Dads” and “Security Moms,” the invented-demographics du jour?

We know this is a man who stays awake at night worrying about how to make our country a safer place.

Who the hell thinks that? President Bush is a man who promotes that he doesn’t read the newspaper, doesn’t watch the news on TV, doesn’t like to read books, has spent 40% of his presidency on vacation, and is in bed by 10pm every night. This is not a guy who stays up at night “worrying about how to make our country a safer place.” We can’t even get him to work full time.

In John Kerry we have the Senate’s most liberal Democrat who has consistently voted for higher taxes, against virtually every major military defense system, and for deep cuts in our intelligence funding.

Well, thank God somebody running for president is willing to ensure that our taxes meet our expenses! But Griffin is of the Virginia Republicans who firmly, firmly believe that it’s perfectly OK for the government to spend far more than it takes in, even if it has to fake the balance sheet to make that happen. As for a “major military defense system,” I’m not even sure what that means — it sounds like something that, after it’s installed, ADT might install signs warning about along the borders. I assume that refers to our faith-based missile defense system. Lord knows why anybody voted for that albatross in the first place. The “deep cuts in our intelligence funding” refers to Kerry’s vote in 1994 for Sen. Arlen Specter’s (R) bill to reduce the CIA’s funding by the amount that they improperly squirreled away the year before. It passed overwhelmingly, as it should have.

President Bush believes the right policy is to cut taxes and allow Americans to keep more of their hard-earned dollars, thereby reinvigorating the economy.

President Bush also thought that we should cut taxes in 2000, when the economy was in great shape. I wonder what sort of economic conditions would merit raising taxes, in Bush logic? Normally, a war, but not with this guy.

And it’s working! After losing more than a million jobs in the wake of 9/11, 1.9 million new jobs have been created since last August, disposable income is up, inflation is low, mortgage rates remain near historic lows, and homeownership is at an all-time high. But President Bush will not stop there. He will continue to work until every American who wants to work will be able to find a job.

Woo hoo! The economy is in great shape! Which surprises me to hear, because in the time that I’ve spent touring Virginia, particularly in Southside, I’ve found that people have gotten really, really poor in the past few years, and the layoffs and bankruptcies of major manufacturers are only getting worse. I don’t doubt that among Griffin and her Republican friends that they’re all getting richer, but that’s what comes of being among the wealthiest people in the nation.

President Bush believes we must fight this war now, and win it now, so that our children are not fighting it 20 years from now on the streets of America’s cities.

Erm. Bush believes that we must win the war on terror? That’s a weird thing, because appeared on NBC’s Today Show on August 30, and said, in response to a question about winning “the war on terror,” “I don’t think you can win it.”

Oh, but, right, he’s said lots of other times that it could be won. I see — we’re taking the best of Bush’s comments and ignoring his ridiculous gaffes, and the worst of Kerry’s and zooming in on his most exploitable statements. I’m not really fond of this game, I have to admit.

The Republican Party is the party of freedom and opportunity.

Um. These days, the Republican Party is the party of the PATRIOT Act, the DMCA, CAPPS, and CAPPS II. It’s the party of John Ashcroft, Donald Rumsfeld and Condoleeza Rice. It is the party of sodomy laws, government in people’s bedrooms and fiscal recklessness. It’s the party of coverups in Iraq, prisoner abuse and Bush’s bungled war. It’s the party of winning elections at all costs, shredding the Bill of Rights, and bigotry masquerading as “compassion.”

The Republican Party was the party of freedom and opportunity. It may be such a party again. But now? Absolutely not.

Published by Waldo Jaquith

Waldo Jaquith (JAKE-with) is an open government technologist who lives near Char­lottes­­ville, VA, USA. more »