Waldo Jaquith

Oh sure, now you’re attacking someone’s grandmother. Have you no shame Waldo?

Posted by J.C. Wilmore on 5 May 2006 @ 2pm

J.C., I didn’t know you were from Martinsville. ;)

Posted by Waldo Jaquith on 5 May 2006 @ 2pm

“My doughnut butt is bigger than yours!”

Posted by furrycat on 5 May 2006 @ 2pm

When Scrubbing Bubbles go bad.

Posted by Josh Chernila on 5 May 2006 @ 2pm

1) — Proof that Martinsville hasn’t gone belly-up just yet.

2) — More bellies in Martinsville than just pork!

3) — Martinsville: Even the menus are without limits!

4) — Traditional Japanese sport meets traditional Martinsville modesty.

5) — Grandmother-organized boxing match ends in draw.

Posted by Bob in Charlottesville on 5 May 2006 @ 2pm

“I’m today calling for the resignation of Waldo Jaquith from the Office of…well, he should resign from something…” – Ward Armstrong, about three days from now.

Posted by Neal on 5 May 2006 @ 2pm

Hilarious.

Posted by Chad on 5 May 2006 @ 3pm

My goodness—I think Martinsville officials are going to be very upset about this.

So, what the hell, I may as well jump in:

1) Del. Ward Armstrong and Will Vehrs settle their differences.

2) Martinsville officials are under investigation for entrapment after having the Bulletin publish this photo to tempt Will Vehrs.

3) The House of Delegates session is not going well.

Posted by Waldo Jaquith on 5 May 2006 @ 3pm

“The Martinsville schools curriculum coordinator for sex ed looks on as students demonstrate the latest advances in abstinence-only technology.”

Posted by Jon on 5 May 2006 @ 3pm

I think we have a winner! I figured I’d read the competition before entering, but I think Jon is going to win in a landslide, so I’m abstaining from entering.

Posted by Chris on 5 May 2006 @ 4pm

Jon’s is pretty awesome. :)

Posted by Waldo Jaquith on 5 May 2006 @ 4pm

The drunk goggles worked to lower drunk driving rates, so the school board decided to see if the rubber doughnuts help reduce childhood obesity.

Posted by Adam Sharp on 5 May 2006 @ 5pm

Teachers admitted their frustration with the budget standoff did influence their choice of hands-on activities for social studies SOL 2.5: “The student will understand how Virginia’s bicameral legislature works.”

Posted by Adam Sharp on 5 May 2006 @ 5pm

That is eerily reminiscent of a pair of domo-kun mouths.

Posted by Tim McCormack on 5 May 2006 @ 5pm

In fact, the greatest realignment in modern politics would take place rather quickly if the right national leader found a way to bring the Scots-Irish and African Americans to the same table

Well… the same inflatable-tube-bouncing-contest is a damn good start!

Posted by Mark. T. Blair on 5 May 2006 @ 5pm

[...] Waldo is holding his own caption contest this week, and it’s pretty amusing. Actually, he isn’t allowing any funny captions to be submitted. [...]

Posted by Commonwealth Conservative » Another caption contest on 5 May 2006 @ 6pm

…the mother of the rubber-siamese tomato children is resting comfortably at a Martinsville hospital with mild fertilizer burns.

Posted by Tim on 5 May 2006 @ 6pm

Martinsville’s first attempt at fulfilling Jim Webb’s dream of African-American and Scots-Irish unity goes awry…

Posted by Conaway Haskins on 5 May 2006 @ 7pm

“Doctor, is it OK to have one dark ball and one light ball?”

Posted by Wicker on 5 May 2006 @ 7pm

Speaker Howell and Senator Stosch agree to settle the budget dispute in a traditional game of Inner Tube Boxing. (Insert UNFUNNY name of woman here) referees.

Posted by Josh Israel on 5 May 2006 @ 8pm

#17 is great!!

“Competition for the Miss Junior Martinsville went horribly awry during the talent segment, when two entrants tried to perform Interpretive Balloon Ballet at the same time.”

SEE, it’s not funny!

Posted by Tugboat Phil on 5 May 2006 @ 8pm

At the risk of REALLY not being funny…

What you are seeing is justification for a grant of $4,560,783 from the Harvest Foundation (group formed to spend the proceeds of the sale of our local hospital to Lifepoint) in order to “launch an initiative to improve access to health care for the uninsured and to provide health education and wellness programs for the Martinsville region.” (link for info: http://www.theharvestfoundation.org/grants.cfm?yr=2005&pg=116)

At 4.5 mil and an estimate 30 participants each year (this being the second annual) and a budget expected to last 5 years – my math says they’re bumping around in $30,000 dollar clown suits.

Don’t anyone accuse us in Southside of not going firstclass!

Posted by Bill Wyatt on 5 May 2006 @ 9pm

My caption contest entry…

“School children are educated in a wide variety of popular latino cultural games in preparation for the annexation of the United States by Mexico.”

Posted by TrvlnMn on 5 May 2006 @ 11pm

Martinsville has a wide variety of activities for people of all ages.

Posted by Charles on 6 May 2006 @ 1am

Martinsville offers a safe, secure environment for children, with ample adult supervision and the latest in protective gear.

Posted by Charles on 6 May 2006 @ 1am

After repeated bumps and bruises in a mad dash to be first at the microphone to grandstand at press conferences, Delegate Armstrong and Senator Reynolds examine a demonstration of the latest “Vehrs Bashing Press Conference Safety Gear.” Not only does it prevent injuries, but Delegate Armstrong comments that it may be the industry which transforms the region’s economy.

Posted by Southside Independent on 6 May 2006 @ 10am

Notoriously thin-skinned Martinsville residents train the next generation in conflict mediation, Southside-style.

Posted by Adam Sharp on 6 May 2006 @ 6pm

FULL CONTACT POKEMON!!!!!!

Posted by Ed on 9 May 2006 @ 4am