Waldo Jaquith

In which a self-hating bisexual becomes angry.

On 23 March 2006 with 34 comments

On January 12, 2005, I received the following e-mail, sent from a feedback form on one of my websites.

From: Dell Griffith
Subject: You are such a fucking asshole!

Hey Waldo Jacquith (what kind of name is that anyway? sounds like Mom decided you needed to be beaten up a few times in school and gave you that moniker!) I’ve read about you over the years and your absurd stances, observations, beliefs,etc have been a great source of amusement for me during that time. But now, trying to commandeer the term family values for your own perverted use just shows what an asshole you really are. Fortunately, as evidence in the recent election, people like you are vastly outnumbered by people like me. And what is even better is that difference will continue to widen thanks to such antics committed by hate-mongers such as yourself! I can only hope that the government will gain some common sense and start sending people like to Guantanamo Bay so that you can experience the fun the terrorists down there are experiencing right now. Or, maybe ship your hippie ass to Iraq and use you for hostage fodder for terrorists operating over there. I wouldn’t mind see your faggot ass on a website, in an orange jumpsuit, blindfolded with a knife to your throat. Wouldn’t that be just poetic justice?
Yours Truly,
Dell Griffith, CWO4, USN (ret.)

I responded with my standard template for nutjobs — “thanks for your e-mail, I appreciate your kind words, but I’m too busy to respond personally.” This often puzzles them, or so I like to think.

The next day, “Dell” sent me this reply:

From: Nathan Sxxxx
Subject: Re: You are such a fucking asshole!

Your very fucking welcome shithead! If there is anything I can do to de-rail such a bullshit website, please don’t hesitate!

(I’ve omitted the last few letters of his last name because I’m ashamed for him.)

I checked the headers on each e-mail. The first had come from a Central Virginia Adelphia cable modem. The second had come from UVa’s network. Though his e-mail was clearly threatening, and he’s obviously crazy, it didn’t strike me as actionable. After researching the guy for a bit — googling him, his e-mail address, etc. — I decided I could safely ignore him.

While archiving old e-mail a couple a weeks ago, I came across ol’ Nathan S.’s e-mail. Out of curiosity, I googled him again.

It turns out that Nathan S. has a membership at an adult personals website. The sort of website where men don’t post their photos but, rather, photos of their genitals. On his listing, he describes himself as living in the “Charlottesville area,” married, bisexual, and seeking “sex friends with no strings,” “hush hush.”

My goodness gracious.

I e-mailed him suggesting that an apology is in order, since his concept of “family values” clearly aren’t what he claimed. He wrote back threatening to “out” me (as what, I couldn’t even speculate). The IP address that his laptop sent the e-mail through, for what it’s worth, is citywbo.wb.mvl.ntelos.net — Waynesboro’s internet connection for city employees.

His e-mail address is in my bozo filter so that I can avoid future interactions with him. There are myriad ways in which I could make his life difficult, but that would require vindictiveness or even anger, neither of which I can muster. I really just feel sorry for the guy. He’s a classic self-hating gay man (or bisexual, ostensibly), and that’s a tough way to go through life. Why should I make it any worse for him?

There are several morals to this story. First, the individuals who react most violently to the mere suggestion of the existence of homosexuality may well be gay themselves. Second, don’t try to reason with or be clever with the insane. And finally, let sleeping dogs lie. Or, as the case may be, let lying dogs lie.

In which a self-hating bisexual becomes angry.

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