Waldo Jaquith

My license plate proposal.

With all of the problems that we have here in the commonwealth, it’s pathetic that the House and the Senate wasted Monday’s session on the matter of customized license plates. These branded plates are stupid — it’s a free expression lawsuit against the state just waiting to happen, and extremist Republicans keep introducing bills for divisive political plates.

From today’s Richmond Times-Dispatch

With only a week left to act on all legislation introduced by their respective members, the House and Senate yesterday argued over matters ranging from “traditional marriage” license plates to state budget procedures.

The House of Delegates squabbled before tentatively endorsing the special state plates that would include the capital-letter words “TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE,” as well as a symbol, two interlocked golden wedding bands over a red heart.

Del. L. Scott Lingamfelter, R-Prince William, who sponsored the legislation, said it would merely embrace 4,000 years of history on marriage and show children that “traditional marriage is fundamental.”

There were attempts to amend the bill so that the plates would say, simply, “Marriage,” but that failed, unsurprisingly. It’s simple viewpoint discrimination.

What Lingamfelter and company are going for here is clear, particularly in light of some Republicans’ opposition to most forms of sex. So, in the spirit of just cutting to the chase, here’s my proposed plate:

Sex Plate

I hope that Del. Lingamfelter will introduce a bill in the 2006 session to protect this precious freedom. After all, gays have eroded the right to marriage so much that it’s just about ruined for us straights. Every time they get married, they use up a little bit of our collective ability to get married. When they go having that gay sex, they’re using up sex, too! Somebody stop them!

11:22pm Update: I suggest to the thousands of people reading this blog entry that they visit the website of my PAC, Virginia Family Values. The bad news is that these loopy anti-sex legislators do stupid things in Virginia. The good news is that Virginia Family Values PAC is stopping them. Tossing a few bucks towards the PAC will get these guys out of office, and, as you can see, we’ll all have fun in the process.


30 Comments

too funny!

Posted by phyllis on 1 February 2005 @ 1pm

I feel like a proud father. Nice work.

Posted by Justin on 1 February 2005 @ 2pm

Oh, I would LOVE to see those “Traditional Marriage” license plates approved, entwined wedding rings and all. Then, I would love to see that gays in committed relationships were snapping up those license plates. The combination of those plates and a sprinkling of gay-themed bumperstickers on the same cars would give me cause to smile while driving around Virginia’s highways and byways. Traditional marriage is what everyone wants, both gay and straight, after all.

Posted by Janis Jaquith on 1 February 2005 @ 4pm

You’re on Wonkette! Awesome!

Posted by Cari on 1 February 2005 @ 5pm

Too cool. Double entendre indeed.

Posted by DAvid on 1 February 2005 @ 6pm

I have to agree with Janice’s proposal above. A little bit of targeted irony might do some good. That and someone should introduce a “Gay Marriage” plate. Turn about is fair play right?

Do special plates in VA benefit outside organizations? I know in some states a College or non-profit gets the additional $$ from the custom plates. Is someone getting a nickel or two from these?

Posted by Brew on 1 February 2005 @ 6pm

Does anyone notice the enormous cosmic irony in the name of the
Virginia delegate — “Lingamfelter.” Webster’s Ninth: “lingam: a stylized phallic symbol of the masculine cosmic principle and of the Hindu god Siva.
compare Yoni.” Hoo-hahahaha! “Felter” speaks for itself. If the Virginia legislature would get their minds off this guy feltering his lingam, they might be able to get some important Yoni work done for the rest of the State.

Posted by DONALD on 1 February 2005 @ 6pm

So glad to be giving them my tax dollars…
It is one thing for the state of Virginia to deny an entire group of people equal rights and protections under the law, but it is crossing the line to take that policy and promote it on a license plate….

Posted by john dewar on 1 February 2005 @ 7pm

My suggestion for a license plate for Virginia:

MISSIONARY POSITION

Posted by danny fulks on 1 February 2005 @ 10pm

I navigated from Wonkette just like Kari. My .02: a) anyone can get these plates as was metnioned, and b) I’ve heard/read a lot of people think marriage isn’t for them, as in antiquated, as in (more subtly) that’s your club, it’s not mine. Ya know? Let the sarcasm spew forth if you must, but seriously why get worked up about it.

Posted by Ed on 2 February 2005 @ 1pm

Ed, you’d do well to read up on Virginia’s sex laws. :) Until three weeks ago, sex between unmarried partners was illegal. (Meaning that marriage has to be “for them,” if they want to have sex.) Oral and anal sex? Illegal. Living in the same house as somebody of the opposite sex to whom you’re not related (”cohabitation”)? Illegal.

This license plate is nothing more than a little badge of success for a handful of legislators who are simply opposed to sex, the same legislators who are pushing this license plate bill. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m in favor of sex, and poll after poll has shown that Virginians really seem to enjoy it. Will a plate make a difference? Nah. So we may as well use it as a chance to have some fun at the expense of these sexless yahoos.

Posted by Waldo Jaquith on 2 February 2005 @ 1pm

Has anyone picked up on the Delegate’s name? Felt her lingam?? Is that ALLOWED in Virginia??

Posted by mgroark on 2 February 2005 @ 1pm

Oh boy, Loving v. Virginia, round two.

Posted by casey on 2 February 2005 @ 3pm

two interlocked golden wedding bands over a red heart

Umm… so, that would be a polyamory logo, then…?

Posted by Flick on 2 February 2005 @ 4pm

Wear your bigotry on your…bumper
The Richmond (Virginia) Times Dispatch reports on the activities of the state legislature: With only a week left to act on all legislation introduced by their respective members, the House and Senate yesterday argued over matters ranging from “traditio…

Posted by heat death of the universe on 2 February 2005 @ 5pm

Came here from BoingBoing; awesome plate!

Posted by Isaac B2 on 2 February 2005 @ 6pm

… tell me again… just who was it that said Virgina was for lovers, anyway? I think it’d be fun to make some new-and-improved tourism board leaflets about just how big Virgina really is on lovers. I mean, i’d sure want to be aware if unmarried sex is illegal in the state i’m visiting.

Posted by Coolgamer on 2 February 2005 @ 7pm

[...] rginia Tries to Take Back the Sex Filed under: General — Kate @ 2:48 pm Family values deciphered: Proof that “traditional marriage” is just a nice way of sayin [...]

Posted by Starting a Landslide in My Ego » Virginia Tries to Take Back the Sex on 2 February 2005 @ 7pm

Vanity Sex plate in Virginia Story
You guys gotta see this one:

http://waldo.jaquith.org/blog/2005/02/sex-plate/

What a riot!

Posted by Tek's Blog on 2 February 2005 @ 8pm

Cosidering how our lawmakers roll over for the lobbyists, I would be surprised if they had any fear of taking it in the butt.

Posted by Steve Dores on 2 February 2005 @ 9pm

Virginia is for lovers… OF CONFORMISM!

Posted by Andrew Mutchler on 2 February 2005 @ 10pm

you’re on total fark now as well. nice.

Posted by kyle on 3 February 2005 @ 11am

Hmm. I believe that if you can get a certain number of people to preorder, you can get your own license plate design.
So, as a “proud” Virginian, I want to be among the first to plunk down $35 for this plate. After all, you can’t have family values without vaginal intercourse first!

Posted by Gene on 3 February 2005 @ 8pm

This reminds me of an old Jewish joke. Jewish lady takes her kid to the local lake. Big sign says “No Swimming Allowed!” Lady lets her kid go swimming in the lake.

Park Ranger comes up to her and says, ‘Geez, Lady, can’t you read the sign? It says, ‘NO SWIMMING ALLOWED!”

She looks at him and says, “No, that’s not what it says. It says, “No, Swimming ALLOWED!”

Posted by Lynn Sturgeon on 3 February 2005 @ 11pm

No Butt
This is just wonderful. Waldo Jaquith passes along the news that Virginia is planning to come out with license plates that say “TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE” and have “two interlocked golden wedding bands over a red heart.” Del. L. Scott Lingamfelter, R-Prince…

Posted by Slapnose on 4 February 2005 @ 1am

The Sexual Politics of Virginia License Plates
Waldo Jaquith, a Virginia Tech student and president of the Virginia Family Values Political Action Committee (they support sexual privacy and contraception) was sick of his legislators passing Puritanical laws restricting and regulating sexual behavio…

Posted by DCist on 4 February 2005 @ 10am

Only in America!

Someone once said that governments would tax you for the air you breathe if they could.

Of course these same Republicans want you to ascribe to traditional marriage without ANY education on the matter.

And how traditional are we talking here? Does this mean that in Virginia, I can club a woman and drag her home by her hair, and she’s mine? I live in Maryland, will Annapolis recognize my union by way of reciprocation?

Posted by John on 4 February 2005 @ 12pm

[...] rd. Doing something a little more risque would’ve been more fun, like Waldo’s proposed “No Butt Sex” plate. (link via DCist)
categories: news glbt [...]

Posted by grapefeed : someone swiped my good scissors on 4 February 2005 @ 6pm

Fashion Plates
I was going to blog earlier this week about the lastest…..

Posted by The Ebb & Flow Institute on 5 February 2005 @ 10am

two interlocked golden wedding bands over a red heart

God, I hope my boyfriend’s wife gets one of those. I’ll laugh my ass off.

Posted by LCK on 7 February 2005 @ 11am