Recently, I went to Bed, Bath and Beyond. There, I purchased a fog-free mirror. The “Z’ Fogless Shower Mirror,” to be specific. I purchased this expressly for the purpose of mounting in my shower such that I could shave while in the shower. (Showering, I should explain, is such an enjoyable activity for me that it approaches a Kramerian level1. If I could manage to consume breakfast in the shower, for example, I would probably bolt that onto my morning shower routine in addition to washing and shaving.) This $20 mirror seemed perfect, and so I took it home and managed to get its suction cups to more or less affix to my mottled shower walls. I’ve enjoyed my newfound ability to shave in the shower, which this mirror has effectively enabled me to do. It does, however, have a single drawback that is worth reporting. It fogs up. This surprised me slightly. (Though not terribly; how could a mirror possibly not fog up in the shower? This continues to mystify me.) Theoretical aspects aside, I’m upset with “Z” (who I assume to be the manufacturer of this product) because — and I cannot emphasize this enough — it is labeled as a “fogless shower mirror.”
I suppose I should take it back. My imagined version of the transaction is relatively straightforward.
Waldo: I’d like to return this fogless mirror.
Clerk: OK. What’s the problem with it?
Waldo: It’s fogful.
Clerk: Alrighty then.
Their website says that I should call about such things. I guess I should. The only question that remains is this: am I a fool for thinking that a mirror could be fog-free, or are they the fools for selling a fog-free mirror that fogs up?
1. You may recall that in episode #165 of Seinfeld, “The Apology,” Cosmo Kramer tricks out his shower such that he never has to leave it, going so far as to install a garbage disposal in the drain.